The Facade of Heart
by Galerians
Summary: What do the healer hold in her heart? Is her cheerful face real, or is it only a mask? Mask, to hide the real, true feeling that has been held in the depth of her heart. Give any review you want.
1. Chapter 1

The second contribution I made for the Negima! And this time, I had Konoka on the spot light! Hey, I did say something about making many couples from now on, right!? And like the other one, this fic also has a continuation, and if you want to read it, you know the deal…

•••

**A Healer's Feeling**

It was hard. For her, to be always putting a cheerful face in front of everyone wasn't easy; it was actually really hard.

Healers' jobs were to relieve their friends of any pain of their body, worry of their heart, and distress of their mind. To achieve that, it was their duty to welcome anyone with need with open arms; and not to mention, put up a nice cheerful and smiling face. Or at least, those were what _she _had to do.

Waiting patiently for her friends return, she had been content with her only obligation; healing. Her friends would come to her, and then became all happy when their body was deprived of any wounds, but truth was, the happiness didn't really belong to her.

After a few times, it became much harder to see her friends returned with wounds, whether it was deep or shallow, bruises or cuts, bloody or not. Seeing their face depicted with agony was painful. She didn't realize it at first, but when the time went ticking, it eventually hit her. She was scared.

How couldn't she?

•••

After the times she had to treat the hideous wounds of her Negima Club escalated from few to countless, she couldn't bear it anymore. Even if her face was smiling with joy, in truth her heart was crying with sorrow. She was weeping, for her inability to actually help them in their battles. After all, she could only deal with the aftermath.

And it was the very word she was scared to; aftermath.

What if the aftermath didn't match her expectation? What if the ones that came back to her was neither wounded body nor exhausted fellow, but dead flesh? What would she do… what _could _she do, if that were to happen!? Because no matter how strong her healing magic was, bringing someone back from world of the dead was utterly impossible.

She knew she shouldn't think like this as her friends had frequently told her, but it was hard not to. Did they have ever thought about her feeling when they came back to her, body covered in wounds whether it was deadly or not, even barely living, and she was unable to prevent it whatsoever?

And yet, her biggest fear didn't lie on any of those. It didn't.

•••

In this one, I actually want to prove that she is more than the joyful, cheerful looks. After all, we humans always have something hidden in the depth of our heart, and I like to point that out with this happy-go-merry girl.

And have no worry, making this fic didn't mean I abandon the other, in fact I've already half-finished it! Just wait for it, 'kay?! And don't forget, this story won't continue unless I have reviews, ANY! Only to make sure I'm not ignored! Well then, see ya!


	2. Chapter 2

Wow, even if I've only posted it for one day, two readers already gave me their reviews! Thanks man, you got my gratitude! Claim your reward, the next chapter! I made it a juusst a li~ttle longer than the last! And yes, there's still continuation after this, so… gah, you know the deal…

•

**The Beginning of Fear**

My fear… started from _that _moment.

•••

I could still remember it exactly.

Even if I was oblivious to the main event, I knew the hardship they went through. I knew that even if they had to face a seemingly endless horde of summoned demons, they didn't give up and continued to charge forward. In the end, Asuna, Secchan, and _him_, eventually reached my place. They fought bravely, and only after deadly efforts was I finally saved.

But even if the fighting had ceased to occur, a more grievous matter was demanding to be attended immediately. As I saw his half-petrified body, my heart stopped its beats. My mouth, even if opened, couldn't utter any words. When someone said something about no healer would come in time, I panicked. And it hit me; I was the only one who could save the prodigy.

Although I was scared, only for this time, I had to brave. A few seconds later, I found myself leaning towards him, with our lips approaching in distances. Thus, my first Pactio and kiss had been stolen by the young man, and with the newfound power, I was able to save him.

That was my first treatment.

•••

_I… can't think. Is he… dying? I can't believe it; no… my eyes must have deceived me. There is no way, no…_

But I knew this was true, for his upper body was completely drenched in red sticky liquid known as blood. His expression was suffering, pained from the deadly attack of the stone spear that pierced his right shoulder; it wasn't a bluff. He was really… _truly_… dying.

"Negi – ku…"

My mouth was dry; my chest felt so tight it almost impossible to breath.

"What is going on?"

The reality entered me like a fatal thrust; I couldn't have him dead. I wouldn't be able to bear it; I didn't want _him_ to leave me alone.

The next thing I knew was a bloody fight. Though my club fought so hard, this sudden attack proved to be too great for them to handle. In just a matter of seconds, Kaede was confined, and Kotaro – kun was rendered unconscious. Even Secchan suffered a critical hit, and threatened to be petrified.

Yet, it was that time that he astounded me again.

"I will not, allow that."

Despite the deadly stab to his shoulder, he stood up against his enemy. Despite being the most injured amongst us, his will to ensure our safety didn't falter. His determination to protect his friends had preceded his wounds.

His awakening was encouragement, and with it, our club revived. My friends wielded the hilt of their blades again, and my artifact had been held true in my grasp once more.

I held him tight, and began my incantations, praying for his well-beings deep in my heart. The weak gasps that escaped his mouth compelled me to hasten. Tears began to swell; lips began to tremble, for the fear of losing him filled all corners of my heart. As the huge force of healing power surged into his body, I had completed the ritual. He… was safe now.

"It's alright…" I whispered softly to his ear, embracing his weak body. "You'll be alright now, Negi – kun…"

That was _the_ moment. The beginning of my biggest fear.

•

Is it better this way? I tried to make it into a more detailed version, with dialogues, her thoughts, and such. Though somehow, I'm not so satisfied, but I don't know why…

Hey, do me a favor, will ya? If you can, give me critic along with your review, to improve this fic. I don't care how harsh, as long it can serve as a means of improvisation, I'll bear it.


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